L.O.L. (Lessons of Love)
FOR A LONG TIME NOW,
I’VE FELT MY HAPPINESS WAS ENGAGED
TO THE ANGEL OF DEATH;
AND SHE ONLY PAID ATTENTION TO ME WHEN
HER FIANCÉ WASN’T AROUND
ALL OF US ATTENDED THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS,
AT THE UNIVERSITY OF LIFE
ONE OF MY MAJOR COURSES
WAS ONE OF MANY CLASSES IN
LESSONS OF LOVE;
THIS BANDIT BROTHER FROM BROOKLYN
WAS WET BEHIND THE EARS
WHEN IT CAME TO THIS SUBJECT,
NERVOUS AS SHIT.
NOT KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT
THE NOVICE IN ME EXPERIENCED MORE LUST THAN LOVE.
ONE OF THE LESSONS I'VE LEARN SO FAR IS,
THAT HALF THE WOMEN I'VE MET OR KNOWN
HAVE THE PREMISCONCEPTION THAT,
JUST BECAUSE I WRITE AND PERFORM POETRY
THAT ANYTHING I SPIT AT THEM IS BS INSINCERE GAME;
AND NOT GENERALLY FROM THE HEART
IF THAT’S THE CASE,
TELL ME WHAT WOULD YOU CALL MISOGYNISTIC LYRICS
FROM A "RAPPER" THAT’S DESIGNED TO
MAKE YOUR LEGS PART FOR THEM...?
ADOLESCENT LYRICISTS THAT RAPE THE MC ARTFORM;
JUST TO GET YOUR NIPPLES HARD AND PANTIES WARM.
SEE, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN
MY HAPPINESS ACTUALLY GAVE ME THE TIME A DAY.
IT CAME TO ME AT POINTS IN THE FORM OF A FRIEND,
LOVER AND IN UNISON;
HAD SACRED DESIRE DAY DREAMS,
FROM THOSE DAYS TO THIS MOMENT
I'VE FELT THAT SHE WAS, WHAT A BROTHER NEEDS.
NOW I ADMIT IT,
I'M NO SAINT.
MORE LIKE AN OFF/ON SINNER,
I’M KIND OF A FLIRT.
BUT, FOR THE MOST PART I CAN BE ONE IN A FRIENDLY WAY.
THOUGH I'D BE LYING TO YOU BY SAYING,
THAT VERB, IN MY VOCABULARY DIDN'T COME WITH A PRICE TO PAY.
SINGLE OR ATTACTCHED;
WHEN ME AND KARMA BROKE UP A WHILE BACK,
SHE LEFT A SCARLET LETTER BURN NOTICE
IN THE CHEST OF MY AURA.
HAPPINESS BECAME DISTANT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT
AND READ THE SCARLET NOTICE OF PAIN
LEFT ME ALONE ON CAMPUS!
SO THESE WORDS ARE MOSTLY WHAT I USE TO STAY SANE.
SOME FORCE OF UNGODLY NATURE I BIRTHED DONE DAMNED US!
MAYBE THIS IS WHY MY LAST DISTANT LOVER AND FRIEND LEFT ME.
MAYBE MY LACK OF ABILITY TO PROVIDE THE BARE NECESSITIES
OF A RELATIONSHIP DOOMED IT FROM THE START.
SO MY BOOKS ARE ALWAYS OPEN...
THAT POSSIBLY ONE DAY I'LL GET THE FORMULA RIGHT.
THESE LESSONS OF LOVE AREN'T ALWAYS EASY TO LEARN.
PEEP THE CANDLES OF MY HEARTS WINDOW SILL
BURNING AT BOTH ENDS;
I NEED SORROW NOT TO BE CONSIDERED MY SO CALLED "SIDE CHICK"
MAKING IT HARD TO BEGIN A FRESH LOVE AFFAIR
HAPPINESS & I CAN BARE FRUIT THAT’S NOT STRANGE.
HOW THE HELL CAN SHE BE A PART OF MY FUTURE
WHEN THE 3 MAJOR TESTS; TRUST, COMMITMENT, AND LOYALTY
DON'T SHOW UP AS "PASSED" ON MY TRANSCRIPT...?
IT’S A DAMN TRIP HOW MY GOOD INTENTIONS
TURN INTO BAD HABIT TRAITS IN SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES!!
THIS IS NOT THE RANTING OF INSECURE MARTYRISM
TO CLAIM DESPERATE SYMPATHY,
LIKE ANY REAL MAN, IT JUST FUCKS ME UP
MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY
WHEN THE TRUTH SPEAKS THEIR SOUL
BUT I’M LOOKED AT AS A BOY CRYING WOLF.
SO HOW CAN A MAN BREAK DOWN A WALL
OF AN OVER PROTECTED HEART,
WHEN SHE USES HIS ALLEGED HEART BREAKING ACTIONS TO COME,
TO ADD MORE BRICKS...?!
IT’S LIKE I'M DAMNED IF I DO,
AND I'M DAMNED IF I DON'T!
SEE, ALL I HAVE IS HOPE.
AND APPARENTLY MORE STUDYING TO DO,
BEFORE I CAN TRY TO PURSUE HAPPINESS
IN THE FORM OF LOVE AGAIN…
TILL THEN,
MY CURRENT G.P.A. WILL KEEP MAKING IT CLEAR TO ME,
"YOU ARE NOT READY!"
-“Honest Abe” Abraham Benjamin [© 2010]
