Unlocked Thoughts of Random Nature

I wonder....

how can he make parapeligic promises...?

Bet his future on guarantees with checks full of emotions his ass can't cash.

No matter how much finances come to him,

still ends up monetary and morally bankrupt.

tells himself he can and will do better.

Knowing deep down its a lie not willing to admit to.

Its no wonder how many friends he makes,

is still emotionally and spiritually lost and alone.

has a tollerable relationship with family,

And can't keep a stable relationship with a girl.

Doesn't understand how he can feel so cold with warmth for loved ones lies in heart,

parts of his puzzle no piece full of words has help piece together the peace disired for the longest.

can't stop targeting his sanity with rusty razor blades and harpoon arrows self inflicted wounds to Psyche.

Sadomasachist consumed with killing his character by 2nd nature to see results come to assess his life better.

5X felon of broken hearts and bodies to come.

Has yet to be sentenced due to the fact the scent of burn notice flames have to die out b4 anything can stick.

his own happiness has a restraining order against him now.

So the torment thats been lurking again can shine proudly from the domino effect;

"BEAT IT!!! LIKE A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM WHO HAD IT COMING...IN THE ABUSER'S EYES!!!"

A voice tells him...

Knowing that figuring out instead of fingering out the underlining Johnson-chugging whore of a problem

that loves this attention to total collapse of his humanity,

Just waiting for when the auction block is removed from under feet so the two lynching nooses can tighten easier.

Don't cry for his welcomed pain and suffering brought all on by no one but his own doing.

his circumstances are funny as fuck in and sadder than shit all at the same time.

Talks to himself loud when alone to make sense of things. But don't we all at some point...?

"YOU LIKE EVERY OTHER DISPOSABLE MANKIND ATOM LIVING IS ON BORROWED TIME!

AND YOU ON THIS KIND OF SELF DESTRUCTION TIP...YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!

HOW DARE YOU WASTE BOTH OF OUR LIMITED TIME HERE BY ALLOWING YOURSELF THIS MUCH SLACK TO FAIL AT EVERYTHING?!!"

Dropping out his first collegiate year in the school of hardknocks,

and he barely made it through the 2nd year.

Why can't he figure out the formula in the current purgatory state of his existence...?

So scared to succeed, yet amazingly not afraid to fail...

Screaming at the top of his lungs while looking at the self birthed beast of sorrows and confusion in the mirror

everyone has noticed all this time but him;

"WAKE THE HELL UP!!! THE REASON YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IS PASSING YOU BY ON AND IN SO MANY ASPECTS AND WAYS...

...IS BECAUSE THEY ARE FOOL!!

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DIG OUT OF THIS DITCH YOUR END WILL BE ENGRAVED ACROSS UNLESS SOMETHING IS DONE."

pondering the chimes of dead relatives and ancestors ringing annoyingly

in the dessert dry congo consciousness,

blowing into his eyes...

{Sadey, cousin Stanley, grandma Johanna....Jack Johnson, Joe Louis...the list goes on}

The next mode of action feels so clear, though so thunder storm cloudy, harder than hard-on brick thick uncertainty.

Guess the road starts here.

-“Honest Abe” Abraham Benjamin [© 2011]

Is this F'd up to you too...?

Recently I got word from a friend that use to live in this part of Ohio, that her brother was murdered by two gun men he knew. But didn't see coming till it was too late. Right in front of his wife, children and other sister who was with him at the time. Its sad to see the "brutus complex" as I call it, still alive in a vicious cycle of betayal in this day an age. I feel for my friend and her families trials & tribulations right now. And I pray for them. A link to the news article and live news report of the incident are below.

http://10tv.com/live/content/local/stories/2009/08/19/story_london.html?sid=102

A Problem + Issues x Insomnia = Narcolepsy

Whether some of you may or may not have known....the past month or month and a half, I've had a case of sleeplessness insomnia. And some mild cases of narcolepsy during the day. Which problems in my life, off stage (financial and personal) have contributed to. 

But this set of issues spans all the way back from my late H.S. yrs into my early college yrs.

since H.S., I've been up many late nights due to issues with school (some procrastination and fear of being unprepared b4 and during my classes, which go hand in hand) and keeping a stable job to attain my desires and needs financially. 

I realize the things I have and will continue to describe may or may not mirror someone elses life problems, issues, or dilemmas. But I'm not trying to compare.

Of course when I started college, all the stereotypical things any college student has to endure made themself present to me. (financial aid, grants, adjusting to different form of schedule from previous yrs. pockets begging for change....etc.) And that was back in 2006.

Fast forward 2 yrs later and some months...Land lord issues (that made things very stressful, which stem back to about a decade, give or take) plus my previous school "releasing" me because of academic issues and standards. My own girl, or so I thought, dismissed me with no warning and ignored every form of communication I could think of...an unexpected blow. That's hard for me to admit, stung me. (even though we were cool for almost 1yr an 1/2) Not to mention a recent accident at home inolving a unstable ceilling in my room falling in on me. On a F'n Friday the 13th no less!! (you tell me if all this wasn't enough to build tension for a brotha to lose his sanity and go ape...)

But I digress, one of the only few positive things to come out of my sleeplessness, is that I'm writing more. If its God's will and me do my part I'll be putting an album and book or too out via all this pen/pencil pushing in the near future. And steady but surely, getting things back on track. And to the person who maybe reading this, somewhere telling me to suck it up and move on...you know what you can do with your lips and my rear end.

The Narcolepsy still comes and goes. And the insomia is also starting to fall back. It has been a trying past 2 and 1/2 yrs for me.  But I've realized I could not be here like many, though I am.

And i'll continue to be as long as I remember that Jesus and Poetry is my savior. (P.I.M.S.)