I wonder....
how can he make parapeligic promises...?
Bet his future on guarantees with checks full of emotions his ass can't cash.
No matter how much finances come to him,
still ends up monetary and morally bankrupt.
tells himself he can and will do better.
Knowing deep down its a lie not willing to admit to.
Its no wonder how many friends he makes,
is still emotionally and spiritually lost and alone.
has a tollerable relationship with family,
And can't keep a stable relationship with a girl.
Doesn't understand how he can feel so cold with warmth for loved ones lies in heart,
parts of his puzzle no piece full of words has help piece together the peace disired for the longest.
can't stop targeting his sanity with rusty razor blades and harpoon arrows self inflicted wounds to Psyche.
Sadomasachist consumed with killing his character by 2nd nature to see results come to assess his life better.
5X felon of broken hearts and bodies to come.
Has yet to be sentenced due to the fact the scent of burn notice flames have to die out b4 anything can stick.
his own happiness has a restraining order against him now.
So the torment thats been lurking again can shine proudly from the domino effect;
"BEAT IT!!! LIKE A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM WHO HAD IT COMING...IN THE ABUSER'S EYES!!!"
A voice tells him...
Knowing that figuring out instead of fingering out the underlining Johnson-chugging whore of a problem
that loves this attention to total collapse of his humanity,
Just waiting for when the auction block is removed from under feet so the two lynching nooses can tighten easier.
Don't cry for his welcomed pain and suffering brought all on by no one but his own doing.
his circumstances are funny as fuck in and sadder than shit all at the same time.
Talks to himself loud when alone to make sense of things. But don't we all at some point...?
"YOU LIKE EVERY OTHER DISPOSABLE MANKIND ATOM LIVING IS ON BORROWED TIME!
AND YOU ON THIS KIND OF SELF DESTRUCTION TIP...YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!
HOW DARE YOU WASTE BOTH OF OUR LIMITED TIME HERE BY ALLOWING YOURSELF THIS MUCH SLACK TO FAIL AT EVERYTHING?!!"
Dropping out his first collegiate year in the school of hardknocks,
and he barely made it through the 2nd year.
Why can't he figure out the formula in the current purgatory state of his existence...?
So scared to succeed, yet amazingly not afraid to fail...
Screaming at the top of his lungs while looking at the self birthed beast of sorrows and confusion in the mirror
everyone has noticed all this time but him;
"WAKE THE HELL UP!!! THE REASON YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IS PASSING YOU BY ON AND IN SO MANY ASPECTS AND WAYS...
...IS BECAUSE THEY ARE FOOL!!
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DIG OUT OF THIS DITCH YOUR END WILL BE ENGRAVED ACROSS UNLESS SOMETHING IS DONE."
pondering the chimes of dead relatives and ancestors ringing annoyingly
in the dessert dry congo consciousness,
blowing into his eyes...
{Sadey, cousin Stanley, grandma Johanna....Jack Johnson, Joe Louis...the list goes on}
The next mode of action feels so clear, though so thunder storm cloudy, harder than hard-on brick thick uncertainty.
Guess the road starts here.
-“Honest Abe” Abraham Benjamin [© 2011]
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