Wide Open Wednesdays (Monthly event on 1st Weds.) At Museum of Sex in Oral fix Cafe' 10-5-11

Originally suppose to be posted last Wed. night. Oct. 5th. But got delayed. So...here it go!)

Well, last night I decided to break habit, or do something out of ritual for me on a Wednesday night and go some place I haven't been before. Which I did, and happen to end up at the Museum of Sex on 233 5th ave (off the corner of E 27th st) in Manhattan. A monthly open mic with the theme....you guessed it, SEX! Now being sexually and erotically conscious, I admit to a degree. (And being a Scorpio, you know the deal. ;) )I thought, before leaving my crib and when I walked in...I'm well overdue. Lol!

So I must of past it countless times and heard bout it on the news. But last night coming there was def. worth my wild...key word: WILD. Smh. lol. The $hit I heard...smh. A chick did a song

called "I F#%ked him for fire crackers". Another woman (who was an opera singer mind you) sung (in opera form) a song with the with the hook, "Tonight I'm F%#king you...". Lol! That $hit was hilarious!! And entertaining. The stuff I saw...

Well didn't get any footage during the show itself, let alone pics. But I did take some snaps after the show that was definitely worth the time I spent and had. Loved the receptiveness of the crowd and interactivity too. Oh, yea. The pics are below. (SN: I'm definitely coming back next month with my girl. We already done confirmed that!)

Floor pattern of the museum




Rules of the Museum...lol. Shame all that had to be pointed out. But hey...


Oral Fix bar (where every 1st Wed. of the month SEX themed open mic happens) Doors open at 5pm. Show from 6-8pm.




The Photo booth...yea. Go nuts!! (And I mean that in every dirty innuendo way possible. Lol. j/k.)




Uh-huh...do I really need to put a caption here...?




Yup. You see right. "Booty Mugs". Where else could you find some of these in NYC...? Tell me, where?! :-)




Sex related books and "SEX" & "FUCK" Boxes/blocks.






"FUCK MY SOCKS OFF" And Erotic books.





Erotic Dice and Oral Sex Dice. Along with "Love Cuffs" in Black & Red.







Sequelities Erotiques Bones Exhibit.



Yea...you know that's how you like it. Lol. :)







Enjoying some sweet, red red wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! So good to meeeeee! Lol. :-)

On a chill flow b4 rolling out.

Met some pretty cool people here on this night. All because I decided to break with routine of places I'd usually go and try something different. Trying to experience as much new things as possible in this reborn day month of mine. And so far, so good. Wonder what else is in store for me before its through...? Hell, before the year is through, I believe much progress will be made on many things. As usual, time will tell.

So, till next time. My road 2 redemption continues!

-Abe

REPENT LETTER TO A QUEEN (RECKLESS INTENT 2)

Dear your Majesty,

My recent actions tell an unjust story of my character. A stinging desert miraj of unlawful words

was not the intent to disrespect your crown. Doing so, I've turned my own crown into one of thorns placed on my tongue

to repent this verbal offense of a criminal nature. The reckless decision I made when parting these lips,

I can't argue, warrants the crucifixtion feelings punishment placed on me within your power.

The intent to tarnish the earned image of my being...was not conscious. But a mistake being morally paid for right now.

We were never meant to suffer this barn fire of sorrow wedged between us via carelessness.

I remember us discussing the unworthy Kings and false knights in fools silver armor

blinding the reality reflection of their lackluster standards you found out the hard way about;

Revealing the true revenue of manhoods...which pale in comparison to a pound of your golden value.

The crest of your precious cusp aura, I felt commanded times of needed happiness ahead. And still do.

I admit and plea guilty to debt charges I've been accused of and ask for leaniency.

For the ones against me are acknowledged as follows:

1. Assault with a deadly weapon loaded with unlienced voacabulary in the 1st degree.

2. Endangering the safety and solace of a recovering broken heart via multiple past assailents.

3. And 1 account of indecent exposure and rude acts pain and mild suffering undeservingly of a queen I care about....in a public venue.

If it pleases you, my torment is growing and will continue...until within your descretion

I'm forgiven.

This sin I've comitted against one of God's work in the flesh,

has spawned a bump in our growing bond...

It would most undoubtedly humble me to be back in your good graces as soon as possible.

Though your anger is understandable.

But there is an unfathomed notion within me that holds out hope.

And a sense that your warm nature will bloom for me

to indulge in those beautiful big brown eyes soon.

See, that respecting your royalty means a lot to my soul.

It pains me, even if temporary to know your in minor disgust of my person

Never wanting the story of us to worsen with lost time...

Hoping you accept this affidavid of my heart on my sleeve

in this repent letter on the mercy of your character.

There's no way I can apologize enough.

In this court of your opinion, cause the public don't matter right now...

This tension between us can and should decease. But the power is in your hands.

In the case of my bad judgement, reckless intent is rarely given another chance.

I'm betting my bottom dollar, that you can and are willing grant me such a deed.

Sincerely with love that has become relentless only for you,

Abraham Nathaniel Benjamin a.k.a. Honest Abe

Copyright 2011

"Thirsty"..a collab..Epiphany Castro and Honest Abe

Thirsty..

You’d sell your soul for a dollar

Trade in your morals for a glass of Hennessey

And like Marvin it makes me wanna holler

Watchin you tap-dance for the masses…the industry

Somebody should have schooled you in class…

Excrement masquerading as art

May buy you a temporary pass

But shyt does not last forever, and your azz

Merely becomes fertilizer to feed

What grows organically-food for the real creative trees

Caught up, bought up, but not up… to par

It was all for naught and yes that naught is you

Unaccounted on the census as a bastard of Massa's with glee

Even so, your adoption is clear

Dignity should runneth over from the brew you been sippin from

But you piss golden showers like R. Kelly on underage futures I don't wanna fathom

Elevation got lost in a sea of on demand coonery

The buffoonery will eventually evaporate

But Like the the price of real estate, your lackluster lack of ideals

Shall become the foundation beneath the soles of integrity

Stuck like gum to the heels-

Plummeting with every single breath you take

And every poor choice you make. Cause the choice was yours

An imposter you became…a muthafuckin fake

So Dance nigga dance…prance nigga prance

And don’t forget your pearls and blackface-

As you set back the entire race

500 years….plus

In exchange for a pocketful of small silver lined with puss

And a handful of tainted gold…

So thirsty… so very thirsty you are

But I ask you..What will make you whole?

I know your sac is somewhere dripping the manhood you left behind once

the auction block you had a helping hand to step on

looked too enticing to refuse;

A Fuse you lit with every Savion gloved move you took

Feel that burn in your throat...? Sure you do.

And love it!

Chug down the welcomed pain when thirsty enough...those

Kamikaze karma bullets you shoot from ya tongue and ya gun

are good for your "Rep" ain't they...?

There is a Johnson Chugging reality check birthed by you

That you need to come to terms with,

Just like your dick,

You stick your pride in the wrong hole

Be ready to come back with S.T.D.’s to add to those “D’s” you rolling on.

Congratulations Thirsty Sambo.

The hood continues to die slow from your bad drinking habits.

Epiphany Castro

Honest Abe

All Rights Reserved 2011

Unlocked Thoughts of Random Nature

I wonder....

how can he make parapeligic promises...?

Bet his future on guarantees with checks full of emotions his ass can't cash.

No matter how much finances come to him,

still ends up monetary and morally bankrupt.

tells himself he can and will do better.

Knowing deep down its a lie not willing to admit to.

Its no wonder how many friends he makes,

is still emotionally and spiritually lost and alone.

has a tollerable relationship with family,

And can't keep a stable relationship with a girl.

Doesn't understand how he can feel so cold with warmth for loved ones lies in heart,

parts of his puzzle no piece full of words has help piece together the peace disired for the longest.

can't stop targeting his sanity with rusty razor blades and harpoon arrows self inflicted wounds to Psyche.

Sadomasachist consumed with killing his character by 2nd nature to see results come to assess his life better.

5X felon of broken hearts and bodies to come.

Has yet to be sentenced due to the fact the scent of burn notice flames have to die out b4 anything can stick.

his own happiness has a restraining order against him now.

So the torment thats been lurking again can shine proudly from the domino effect;

"BEAT IT!!! LIKE A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM WHO HAD IT COMING...IN THE ABUSER'S EYES!!!"

A voice tells him...

Knowing that figuring out instead of fingering out the underlining Johnson-chugging whore of a problem

that loves this attention to total collapse of his humanity,

Just waiting for when the auction block is removed from under feet so the two lynching nooses can tighten easier.

Don't cry for his welcomed pain and suffering brought all on by no one but his own doing.

his circumstances are funny as fuck in and sadder than shit all at the same time.

Talks to himself loud when alone to make sense of things. But don't we all at some point...?

"YOU LIKE EVERY OTHER DISPOSABLE MANKIND ATOM LIVING IS ON BORROWED TIME!

AND YOU ON THIS KIND OF SELF DESTRUCTION TIP...YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!

HOW DARE YOU WASTE BOTH OF OUR LIMITED TIME HERE BY ALLOWING YOURSELF THIS MUCH SLACK TO FAIL AT EVERYTHING?!!"

Dropping out his first collegiate year in the school of hardknocks,

and he barely made it through the 2nd year.

Why can't he figure out the formula in the current purgatory state of his existence...?

So scared to succeed, yet amazingly not afraid to fail...

Screaming at the top of his lungs while looking at the self birthed beast of sorrows and confusion in the mirror

everyone has noticed all this time but him;

"WAKE THE HELL UP!!! THE REASON YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IS PASSING YOU BY ON AND IN SO MANY ASPECTS AND WAYS...

...IS BECAUSE THEY ARE FOOL!!

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DIG OUT OF THIS DITCH YOUR END WILL BE ENGRAVED ACROSS UNLESS SOMETHING IS DONE."

pondering the chimes of dead relatives and ancestors ringing annoyingly

in the dessert dry congo consciousness,

blowing into his eyes...

{Sadey, cousin Stanley, grandma Johanna....Jack Johnson, Joe Louis...the list goes on}

The next mode of action feels so clear, though so thunder storm cloudy, harder than hard-on brick thick uncertainty.

Guess the road starts here.

-“Honest Abe” Abraham Benjamin [© 2011]

Untitled New Erotica

Can you...can you pass me your pussy cup,

so I can sip the Sugar Honey Ice Tea from your clitoris...?

I'm seeing the potential in the aura of your scent

When your soul smiles at me;

Fuck cupid and his arrows.

His shots are no good

in making our bond stick-y...

you need a mental fucking from me

Busting nuts in your 3rd eye

from this slick dic-ture.

I know you want my finger in your ass.

That'l make your moans in my ear greater.

Its ok to cum a lil in your panties now.

Just know, like Jesus,

the 2nd cuming will be a blessing later.

Blasphemus tongue I posses.

You have to admit, sin tastes diabetes sweet

when a dose of you is ingested;

please Goddess, malest me with your eyes.

Rodeo my dick to death with mama africa jymbay thighs

Your oasis of life,

makes this tree grow like no other;

so my babies feel destined to swim...

in your still waters...

Allow this motion in your ocean to continue getting you sprung.

lets go tit for tat with these lubricated emotions in the air.

stroke my soul beneath my waist til its lotion of love moisterizes

the prize you seek in hand.

My mission isn't complete though.

See, I know your far from a virgin,

but I can tell that blackberry cherry needs its essence released again

like the first time.

the way it still grins temptation towards me.

Your eyes and fingers give me direction

Oh damn this erection of solace growing again

almost the 2nd time for you to say hello to my lil friend.

Lay there while we help release the liquid frustration of your day

ease the tension in your spine reclining from the excercise of switched positions

As Objective after objective reach one after another:

-keep you aroused {Check}

-make sure you stay wet {Check}

-While I'm conducting this symphony of passion on ya body from the waist down,

working my way up...you continue providing background vocals {Check}

-Don't stop making magic happen in this room with you till your cup runneth over so many times,

damn a towel; We gone need a mop on stand by...almost there

The pulsation pattern I can hear from your hole's foundation of sticky bounties gives me a sign

that your ready...to..drown me with your sorrows all over ONE...MORE...TIME!!!! *breathes heavy*

-“Honest Abe” Abraham Benjamin [© 2011]

What A Brotha Needs (on the new album BROOKLYN'S LOST SON)

What a brotha needs....

is a woman that's down and around for me,

tell me when I'm on some bullshit when I can't even see it.

Remind a brother how destined he is for greatness.

Making it clear we can get there together.

Shameless when it comes to showing this young one love.

Be the dove to my stream.

You know you on the best team.

Show that you can be the chocolate syrup to my ice cream...sexy.

And no I'm not asking you to be swelling my melon.

At least not the one on my shoulders...

A woman, that when I go downtown

she taste like good home cooking.

Make me look up and say....good looking. :)

But wait, I'm being selfish with it.

Now I'm looking at you with tantalizing, teenage, tendencies.

And pleased to watch as our eyes-tune.

Feel the heart of me.

This bony thug's in harmony with the "V" shape your legs make when split in two.

The penetration sensations when my hips begin to THRUST.

You can feel the GUST of emotion.

Going in and out, smooth like the ocean...between your thighs.

And my butt tightens...

As my gaze heightens...

Staring into the windows of your soul

make a brother wanna lose control

and continue to solute you with my flagpole;

going for gold like an Olympic athlete

as we both compete to win in this marathon.

And trust son, when this rush done, I will BUST one!

And before my rocket fuel explodes into your myspace

dripping from your grace....

I'll bless your hole with so much soul you'll be in seizures.

Like the 2nd coming of Jesus!!

Put your mind in my hands

so I can masturbate a new beginning into existence.

Persistence is my ambition.

On the real...

My love for you has become almost as strong as a son for his mother.

As far as I'm concerned,

you can call me a motherfucker because

I'll treat you with the kind of respect the original queen of my life

that blessed this world with my presence,

so that when we get married that ring don't feel like a death sentence.

And maybe the crimes men have committed to your humanity

are plain insanity, changing on you like "Coin Star".

Because the truth is

that most men...

Would think receiving your love is a right,

but in hindsight, its a privilege.

And in one mistake can all be taken away with just cause.

Though this concept is a two-way street.

Maybe all this is just an example of what a brotha wants.

But what I'm trying to say is...you are what this brotha needs.

Abraham ''Honest Abe"' Benjamin © Copyright 2008 (Revised 2011)

Different Strokes (New Erotika)

Different Strokes (Alt Verse)

She said,

She said it was ok to stroke it while I watched her...

Gyrating jumbay hips have me working up a drip of sweat

from my brow,

wanting bad for a sip of her

and we ain't even started yet.

As I sit with hunger in my eyes

on the couch,

across from the bed;

taunting me while gutta thoughts

in the streets of my mind roamed,

no joke. nothing normal. This chick way 5 sec. away from catching some different strokes.

And I ain't talking bout no t.v. show

So she stares at me.

With eyes deeper than the mississippi river,

deeper than the grand canyon,

eyes that would make a brotha want to slide into her deeper....

than a african slave's bloodline.

I wanted her!

she asked, "You hard enough for me...?"

I replied, "My tip is hard enough to break cinder blocks!

Lets do this."

I, hanging out full and erect.

Her, from the sight, only wearing 4 inch heels, a smile and wet...

with anticipation,

as I got closer

Both of our phones off.

No distractions tonight.

My lips parted delvering rough mental strokes

poking her cerebelum making her "Lips" part...like the poetic Moses.

lyrical barbitchuetes;

Had to remind her I knew what tongues were made for.

And mine knew how to play double dutch with her clitoris.

And hop scotch with her walls.

after all the slurping, sucking, and licking from the 6 9 position,

she wanted me to treat that clean shaving cunt like a golf course.

So I grabbed my wood and went balls deep

till them juices creeped candy coating my shaft & sac

now asking to get some swift strokes from the back.

I'm like, "You sure you ready for that..? smh."

Then after given the ok,

the loco-motion thrusting begins,

feeling the tighter vice grip,

sliding schlong slippery in that slit.

Got me groaning out, ''OH SHIT!''

In the back of my mind

saying, I'll be damn if this cannon gone bust quick!

No, ain't way gone be 1 up.

But home girl threw it back at me so hard

left butt prints on my stomach.

I'd be lying by saying I ain't love it.

Scorpion phoenix soul in me,

rising to the occasion.

Animalistic, endangered species type

more potent than a brother fresh out of jail;

uterus numbing loving.

And riding me so well...

my dick would need Ginkoba

to remember its suppose to cum at some point.

Thats how I feel it should be between lovers.

Almost everyday of the week.

Guess its just different strokes,

for different folks,

Peace. Till next time we ''meat''.

Like the Isley Brothers,

''When me make love, between the sheets.''

Abraham ''Honest Abe"' Benjamin © Copyright 2011

Its About Love (Working title. May change and a W.I.P.)

Understand, me wanting to show you

how much my aura is burning to make your soul cum

the essence of our grandparents love.

Squirt the knowledge all down my erect mental shaft.

Leave the sticky remenance of how a man should rapture your being as a whole...

Goddess, that "teach me" how to love song by Musiq was written about us.

I can talk all the shit in world about sexual prowess,

conquering your lioness energy,

making discs in your spine quake from my back shots;

leaving back shocks, with these strokes of genious

I'm delivering.

But if there's no more than a animalistic connection...

you just getting the hack sex of

undeserving dick demons of past

fucked the shit out of you;

So is wanting more than filling the God given bowling ball holes of you so wrong...?

Brooklyn's Lost Son album update and release date

Peace my people,

Hey. Just touching base. And giving a early heads up. My album (BROOKLYN'S LOST SON: Prelude to Road 2 Redemption) production is getting closer to completion. With the release party slated for Sunday July 10th. (With a back up date just in case on tab) In Brooklyn. The location, still being locked in. I'll provide more details when available and off. facebook invite. If your around, near and/or willing to trek out to make it, I applaud and humbly thank you in advance. If you can't, for whatever reason, send love and pray for its success. Send some one on your behalf if be the case. I'll understand.

thank you for the support & listening

Honest Abe

www.facebook.com/dtruthspeaks

www.myspace.com/honestabeizdtruth

www.twitter.com/t_izhonestabe

www.reverbnation.com/dtruthspeaks

Freak Nasty (NYC), BK's Lost Son Album prod. update, and The D N A Project

Peace my people,

I hope this day and week has been a blessed one for you and yours with positivity and productivity. Let the almighty and universe help guide you to prosperity and solace. I realize some you may/may not be located pretty far away to make it to most of my events. But will keep you posted from time to time bout my going ons.

WHATS BEEN HAPPENING...

FREAK NASTY!! (NYC EDITION)

For the first time ever, I've been, recruted, lol. To feature at one of the hottest erotic poetry events in the tristate area! Freak Nasty! (May 26th, 2011) An interactive poetry base event with some of the best gutter mouth and minded spoken word artists NY has to offer! Which also includes music, a fashion show, naked body painted models (male & female) and not to mention one hell of an after party. lol. :-)

There will be two shows on this night:

(1) Early Show: Doors open @6pm

(I have physical tix for this show reply to this email FMI or click just below the ticket to purchase)

Freak Nasty Early show (6pm)

1 Freak Nasty Ticket $20.00 2 Freak Nasty Tickets $40.00 3 Freak Nasty Tickets $60.00

ALBUM UPDATE

Had a banger studio session this past Wednesday afternoon! Knocked out another track for BK's lost son album. Thats about 2 and 1/2 joints done so far. Looking for it to be ready in time for early summer (July is the projected time frame). The guest stars that have come through (even some of the surprise sit in ones in the studio) have lived up to there greatness that I wanted). There is a piece called, S.O.S. (Sons of Society). With a great writer/poet named Essence. Which is one of the next ones on tab to knock out. And believe me when I tell ya...its been a ride so far with this project. we bout to make some more magic happen on wax in the booth this week. Trust. Be ready for "Brooklyn's Lost Son" coming to venue, :) and a retailer near you. B-)

Oh. If I haven't mentioned it before, I've recently been looking over some album cover concepts that were done by my brother for me. Still deciding which to use as an official cover. Feel like I'm pretty close in maing the final cut. If I stay stuck on that, I still might need some feedback/input from you to decide. Now wouldn't that be something..?! YOU may get to help me decide what the official cover will be!! And wait till you see what the back looks like. :o)

As soon as I confirm some new gigs I'm working out, the show schedule will be a bit heavier then it is right now.

More have been added none the less recently check it on the bottom.

Bare with me my people.

THE DNA PROJECT

The Werdsman & Honest Abe are The D.N.A Project (The David and Abraham Project)

Debut Album Release Date:TBA

www.facebook.com/video/video.php

Unlocked Thought of the day: Thank the almighty (also if spiritual and not an atheist) and universe for offering you a clean slate. And they will thank you back karmically with positive vibes/energy toward your progress.

Updated show schedule below.

Better weather has come and stay safe!! Summer is almost here! thanks again for all your support. :o)

-Honest Abe

Thoughts of a Proximity Mine in my chest

I haven't felt love the way a heart should.

The most cherished organ in the body.

Yet sometimes, feeling special is not common.

Alien to a universe of flesh,

cemented in an aging solar system of blood;

its gets hard to breath

when vessels clog,

from mankind killing me with chimeny tongues.

The life spans of my breathren

is no less precious,

but there is no longevity for a gift like me.

to dwell on depression from this borrowed existence.

Depression leads to false hope.

False hope leads to no hope,

and with out it faith is never born.

How can life for a nucleus of mamals

thrive with no support...

too many give up on the importance of

keeping me healthy,

when the truth is, with no me

the soul is on life support.

Me and the spirit must be

in unison of chakras;

my funeral is only 5 minutes away

from 2nd thoughts

so mind me so I can matter more.

There should be no excuse

why inanament objects supposedly

warm me with hot coal feelings

within winter night memories.

Too many reasons,

why a schitzo tone is conjured inside me

exploding 10 billion crimson tomorrows and yesterdays

at the same time!

If happiness is mathmatic,

I need a tutor to help find the right formula.

So sadness & pain stay my distant relatives...

Someone save the sanity of this

sorry sucker for security solace;

unlike Bill Withers,

I may not have anyone left to lean on

or do you have selective hearing..?

-Abraham ''Honest Abe"' Benjamin © Copyright 2011

Unlocked thoughts of a Prophet's Temple concept & how it will be released

Unlocked thoughts of a Prophet's Temple concept & how it will be released

1st CHAMBER UNLOCKED

My book,(Unlocked thoughts of a Prophet's Temple) if you were unaware, will be "unlocked" soon. In parts anyway. I've decided that I'll be releasing my 5 chapter chapbook, for now, with each chapter as separated books themselves. The first one slated to be ready during this winter 2011(February) at the latest. And will be subtitled: "Humble Beginnings". Final preparation is in affect(including cover design and any last minute editing/proof reading as needed). It will be release under publishing company, 2 Pens & Lint. Followed by the other chapters (Which I call each through out the book, "Chambers") 2nd Chamber: Cussing a Curse wit Worse Verse; 3rd Chamber: L.O.L. (Lessons of Love); 4th Chamber: Spoken Soldier and 5th, Final Chamber: Unlocked Thoughts of a Prophets Temple. Those last two Chambers will be release as 1 book together since the last chamber will have nothing else but, the title poem in it.

If your also clueless as to what my book will be about, basically it is, : a look into my trials and tribulations as a said, "Prophet/soothsayer" with affirmations, passages and poems to express them in a creative understanding form. Over almost the past 3 decades and mainly the past half decade of things I went through. So in some aspect you can say its part autobiographical.

Sometime down the line I may/will re-release a revise version of my book as 1 solid book with all "Chambers" included. At a date TBD. There are other books in the works beside this one which you may dig to. But more about that another time. Just know the first of 5 will be out soon. And I look forward to your feedback. Now I know whats probably on you mind too, the question of, "Why not just release the whole book instead of in parts...?" Well, that was the original idea at first. But, It would have taken longer than I'd planned,(not that I was planning to/am rushing it out without thoroughly making sure everything's on point) and didn't have the financial resources to put it out as a full book. Then, after some friendly input to release the project in parts to save money...I was still a lil hesitant, but looked as the best avenue to take. Then thought bout it again, minus it just being a cost effective move. The bulb in my head went off, telling me it would be good marketing to follow this route as well. So from there, I ran with it.

Peace and thank you for listening,

Abraham "Honest Abe" Benjamin

Truth Commission Movement © Copyright 2011

Some Unlocked thoughts....and revelations 2

As I sit here in my room at 7:56am on a Saturday morn...can't help but, just think.

Realizing this is my first blog of self assessment this year, my future still in my hands.

Going through some internal twist and turns via my heart, mind and soul about some of the women in my life. The choices I've made, and the changes I plan to make of weighing my progress down type, bad habits. So far, I still have unshakable feelings for, this woman I've developed a soul stirring instant bond with...over that past year. They were hard to describe at first. Even though a stable friendship is apparent, something inside still wants to take it up a level in the long run. Whether she'll come to the same conclusion as my heart, only time will tell.

And my other dear female friends I've known for some time are baring burdens I empathize with, to a distinct degree. That mind weighs heavy for them. And I pray there temporary pain and struggle...subsides to a point that they can live. I love them like fam. So it hurts me too an extent when they going through it. I almost feel like my own burn notice I partly developed over some time, has my Karma, backlashing into their lives. But I don't wanna sound like I'm making their trials and tribulations bout me.

My over analyzing of things and situations and the need to get to the bottom of it, has gotten the best of me at times. But shit is crazy now a days. Plus hearing news reports about mysterious birds and animal deaths. Economic resources (including some food) is running down in short supply. Cause bad weather is doing more damage to crops than b4. Over the the next few years or so, Water levels in NYC may rise to a point to over flood the whole city. (Not a good look) I'm like WTF...? Also, apparently a new zodiac sign to astrology has given the rest a twist of fate altering the signs of most held dear since birth. Technicalities and all. smh.

Anyway, I've come to some re- revelations as well as news ones as of late.

Many of my bad habits (like most other people) can be summed up with the old adage, "If you keep doing what you been doing. You gone keep getting what you been getting". Thing is, my CP Time with people, places and things. As well as my Procrastination and for some strange reason, a fear of success to a degree...have pointed in a neg. light with that saying. Affecting my will and determination to be employed again. Affecting my financial state and also hindering my guarantee to my self, to get back to my academics and get my desired degrees (a BS in business management, AS in some discipline of engineering and a Masters in another field). But Sitting on my ass and saying it that I'd do this and that have never really been my style. So from this point I'm gone be like Nike with my actions...and JUST DO IT!! You know about it, for the most part when I'm done and ready for you to acknowledge my moves. This entry today will be my testimony and reality check to remind me....TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! STOP FUCKING AROUND AND CREATE THE AVENUES OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND ACHIEVEMENT TO MAKE MY ASS HAPPY ALREADY!!

I think this is an appropriate time to end this log and get to business on the grindaholic road 2 redemption. And shake this sluggish energy fully off I've felt since the year started. By the grace of the universe and almighty, with the power and means to become available, I'll be on my way to Chicago by Sunday morn/afternoon. Its about that time.