Realizing this is my first blog of self assessment this year, my future still in my hands.
Going through some internal twist and turns via my heart, mind and soul about some of the women in my life. The choices I've made, and the changes I plan to make of weighing my progress down type, bad habits. So far, I still have unshakable feelings for, this woman I've developed a soul stirring instant bond with...over that past year. They were hard to describe at first. Even though a stable friendship is apparent, something inside still wants to take it up a level in the long run. Whether she'll come to the same conclusion as my heart, only time will tell.
And my other dear female friends I've known for some time are baring burdens I empathize with, to a distinct degree. That mind weighs heavy for them. And I pray there temporary pain and struggle...subsides to a point that they can live. I love them like fam. So it hurts me too an extent when they going through it. I almost feel like my own burn notice I partly developed over some time, has my Karma, backlashing into their lives. But I don't wanna sound like I'm making their trials and tribulations bout me.
My over analyzing of things and situations and the need to get to the bottom of it, has gotten the best of me at times. But shit is crazy now a days. Plus hearing news reports about mysterious birds and animal deaths. Economic resources (including some food) is running down in short supply. Cause bad weather is doing more damage to crops than b4. Over the the next few years or so, Water levels in NYC may rise to a point to over flood the whole city. (Not a good look) I'm like WTF...? Also, apparently a new zodiac sign to astrology has given the rest a twist of fate altering the signs of most held dear since birth. Technicalities and all. smh.
Anyway, I've come to some re- revelations as well as news ones as of late.
Many of my bad habits (like most other people) can be summed up with the old adage, "If you keep doing what you been doing. You gone keep getting what you been getting". Thing is, my CP Time with people, places and things. As well as my Procrastination and for some strange reason, a fear of success to a degree...have pointed in a neg. light with that saying. Affecting my will and determination to be employed again. Affecting my financial state and also hindering my guarantee to my self, to get back to my academics and get my desired degrees (a BS in business management, AS in some discipline of engineering and a Masters in another field). But Sitting on my ass and saying it that I'd do this and that have never really been my style. So from this point I'm gone be like Nike with my actions...and JUST DO IT!! You know about it, for the most part when I'm done and ready for you to acknowledge my moves. This entry today will be my testimony and reality check to remind me....TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! STOP FUCKING AROUND AND CREATE THE AVENUES OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND ACHIEVEMENT TO MAKE MY ASS HAPPY ALREADY!!
I think this is an appropriate time to end this log and get to business on the grindaholic road 2 redemption. And shake this sluggish energy fully off I've felt since the year started. By the grace of the universe and almighty, with the power and means to become available, I'll be on my way to Chicago by Sunday morn/afternoon. Its about that time.
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