Open The Gates

One love, one heart
I'm thriving with both but still lacking one.
If you can't guess then I'll give you a hint.
Its the one two many lack for self

There are times I give it more to others than me
I've realized that a lot lately.
Restless nights mixed with early morn edible delights...
Have not fed the hunger i need to satisfy the tremendous appetite of daily...
That's brain and body with vibes and energy
Licking my chops to feast has been a task as of late.

And school is something I don't wanna feel like a burden like in the past
Stuck by circumstance in this chamber abode of confined chaos
The key to open the gates is hanging on the side of pants of Janitor named obstacle.
And he calls the other keys that surround it courses.

Forces of delays to grin and bare the days in this willing path I've found myself on
Half blindly, seeing myself forge forward with hopes of snatching the key to sanity.
Debit is good, but I have nothing in my name so my credit is dead-it.
First broken key...
Through these going on 7 years of spoken seasons showing my brethren I want to love and live through spoken reasons,
shortcomings made me question this gift of verse and curse.
Second Key broken...

Even though I got all this knowledge
Back up in college and trying ban the scarlet letters of falling back
But my soul is being tugged on again.
Self control is getting shifted again...
The supply of utensil tools has been deplenished
This causes me to ghetto electronically free write with my free right.
Third key, bent, but not strong enough to open the Gates of solace.

I'm a vet of many things, but only half have soaked inner peace through me.
Love for many is a roller coaster of a relay.
But I have no complaints of what place I'm in.
Its been better to me these days then the past 16 years.
Loosening the Master locked bars for enlightenment I desire.
My being has a poetic pacemaker implanted inside from the fifth year...
Scrambled scribes scratched the surface of the man I've envied to be.
Music, has sung helping hands of ancestors past
to wake me out of nights as the living dead in this bedroom.

So, when will I take more charge of these breaths to just Open the Gates?!!
Ain't no time like the present to present my future with a past to be proud of.
Over thinking a vagueness is a part of my astrological and personality make up.
I know.
But I'm breaking this habit slowly, yet swiftly.
Here...I sit by the computer still being taunted by this Janitor
Who is believed to hold the key to busting free of this caged prison of lost mind, body and souls....
Only to discover, this redemption key was in my pocket the whole time.
The gates were already unlocked.
Not having the strength and the illusion of being locked,
was the transition of independence, getting the best of me....


"Honest Abe" Abraham Benjamin © 2013

Some Unlocked thoughts....and revelations 2

As I sit here in my room at 7:56am on a Saturday morn...can't help but, just think.

Realizing this is my first blog of self assessment this year, my future still in my hands.

Going through some internal twist and turns via my heart, mind and soul about some of the women in my life. The choices I've made, and the changes I plan to make of weighing my progress down type, bad habits. So far, I still have unshakable feelings for, this woman I've developed a soul stirring instant bond with...over that past year. They were hard to describe at first. Even though a stable friendship is apparent, something inside still wants to take it up a level in the long run. Whether she'll come to the same conclusion as my heart, only time will tell.

And my other dear female friends I've known for some time are baring burdens I empathize with, to a distinct degree. That mind weighs heavy for them. And I pray there temporary pain and struggle...subsides to a point that they can live. I love them like fam. So it hurts me too an extent when they going through it. I almost feel like my own burn notice I partly developed over some time, has my Karma, backlashing into their lives. But I don't wanna sound like I'm making their trials and tribulations bout me.

My over analyzing of things and situations and the need to get to the bottom of it, has gotten the best of me at times. But shit is crazy now a days. Plus hearing news reports about mysterious birds and animal deaths. Economic resources (including some food) is running down in short supply. Cause bad weather is doing more damage to crops than b4. Over the the next few years or so, Water levels in NYC may rise to a point to over flood the whole city. (Not a good look) I'm like WTF...? Also, apparently a new zodiac sign to astrology has given the rest a twist of fate altering the signs of most held dear since birth. Technicalities and all. smh.

Anyway, I've come to some re- revelations as well as news ones as of late.

Many of my bad habits (like most other people) can be summed up with the old adage, "If you keep doing what you been doing. You gone keep getting what you been getting". Thing is, my CP Time with people, places and things. As well as my Procrastination and for some strange reason, a fear of success to a degree...have pointed in a neg. light with that saying. Affecting my will and determination to be employed again. Affecting my financial state and also hindering my guarantee to my self, to get back to my academics and get my desired degrees (a BS in business management, AS in some discipline of engineering and a Masters in another field). But Sitting on my ass and saying it that I'd do this and that have never really been my style. So from this point I'm gone be like Nike with my actions...and JUST DO IT!! You know about it, for the most part when I'm done and ready for you to acknowledge my moves. This entry today will be my testimony and reality check to remind me....TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! STOP FUCKING AROUND AND CREATE THE AVENUES OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND ACHIEVEMENT TO MAKE MY ASS HAPPY ALREADY!!

I think this is an appropriate time to end this log and get to business on the grindaholic road 2 redemption. And shake this sluggish energy fully off I've felt since the year started. By the grace of the universe and almighty, with the power and means to become available, I'll be on my way to Chicago by Sunday morn/afternoon. Its about that time.

Grandma's Hands

Last night when I heard this song sung,(one of most classic, timeless songs ever made...in my opinion) at Soul Sweet Sanctuary (show in south Bronx hosted by Singer/songwriter/poet/actress, Zera Preistess) reminded me of the grandma(s) in my fam, that transcended yrs. b4 my start. The ones I never got to meet. But my mom say I remind her of so much. Happy blessed Sunday my people. B-)

Laying the foundation

Well, I've had a lot going on lately. With these shows, whether open mic, featuring, or slamming, preparing for the coming spring semester in School(which I got more than enough task and issues dealing with that alone) and this album...which has been in demand for a little while now....can all feel a bit overwhelming for me at times. 

But I believe through all this stress, writing, and speaking the truth as therepy for myself and the people...is all for a God giving purpose. Everything I've done so far good and/or bad thes past few months and years, I believe has been to Lay the ground work, foundation for the future fruits my labor will induce.

And sometimes, I wish me and Lucifer had a truce. Though I doubt that would prevent him from trying to keep me from producing success. I mean, my determination could use some work. But no one has never accused me of lack faith and will. Damn, I feel like this blog is starting to turn into a new poem. Oh well, if it does, fuck it. It is what it is. Anyway, thinking about some great Figures of past and present...like MLK...Garvey...Medgar...Frederick Douglass...Cornell West...Taalam Acey...Abi-odun of the last poets...among others that layed the foundation for me and people. They all having a hand bringing us up as equals.

So, my focus of this particular entry, after all this thinking...was to point out a little bit of some concrete individuals. They all had a will, passion and determination built into their sheet rock values. But all also had a common trait that separate all great minds from the rest....deciding to be Extra-ordinary, instead of ordinary to accomplish their dreams and goals to make life better for them and our common man. Even if it took making history and sacrifices to do it...whether by lack of sleep,(martin, malcom, Taalam...etc) getting rocks thrown at them,(martin, Medgar,....etc.)causing controversy with mind invoking verbal vernacular,(Medgar, Martin, Adam Clayton powell, malcom, Huey Newton, Cornell West, Abi-odun, Taalam...etc)facing descrimination and racism(all of the above). 

Whether it was via spoken word or civil rights, (which on some level both go hand in hand) God's Work or fates master plan...these men's trials & tribulations were a part  laying the foundation. And Thats one of my goals for this new year into the next...Laying the foundation by completing all tasks and test put before in any way, shape or form they come in. Via birthing the baby I call my coming album, with any necessary help; conquering any left over demons, representing on the academic front and using all my gifts and blessings to my advantage.

My life was borrowed as a loan to walk the earth. And I intend to increase my spiritual dividends so that when I return home up above...my lifes worth will equal my lifes worth. So I wanna be able to pay God back with interest. Living up to the deal my parents made, when bringing me in this world....laying the foundation to save my soul.

-Honest Abe 

The Holiday season

Its the holiday season. Christmas has come and gone and now we're in the middle of Kwanza. But I couldn't leave Christmas behind along with the rest of this joyus time of the year...for most families. Without having written something to reflecthow I feel about it, as a poet, and believer in faith. I've relished in this heart warming time of year with family and friends. So I wrote this piece back on Christmas day, upon request of my pastor in my church. Enjoy and happy holidays and New year!!

The Christmas 3...

While walking in the winter wonderland of life

9:30 am on a Christmas morning,

My mind scribing poetic scriptures cause 

the mind of a poet never sleeps.

Pen and pad in my back pack

ready to pull out to put down what just came to me;

When I happen to run into a group of 

lyrical black Mages who called themselves 

THREE WISE MEN...

Then they told me how thankful I should be this holiday season.

One said, God blessed you with the gift of spoken word.

I kinda figured that, but decided to continue listening

to his rhyme and reasoning;

The 2nd one said, frosty the sand snow man couldn't keep this spoken soldier

of Jesus from speaking the truth to the people;

because like in the bible, there's nothing more powerful than the word.

But I'm like, if you knew the pain of a prophet's torment, then

you'd know spreading the word ain't always easy;

though I must have been put on this earth for a reason

or I wouldn't have taken on the catholic-Christian name of the angel Anthony

Then it was like the third one read my mind cause 

he told me, there real names weren't important,

all that we ask is that you continue letting the jingle bells ring in your soul.

And bring solace to the minds and hearts  of your brothers & sisters

on a spiritual level;

Let go of the chains of pain of ancestors past, and

obstacles of devil worshipers

The children need the conscious reality launched through lethal loogies,

Hawked with heralds the angels can sing

understand, that you, Honest Abraham was birthed into

a county of kings bred from Christ;

your name wasn't a mistake by your parents

it was given precise

Even John the Baptist was a poet.

Who spoke words making the masses honored to know a product of Bethlehem;

This verbal vernacular hit home in my dome,

from the Sunday my pastor asked me to write this poem.

So here on this stage I can stand before you,

providing a dose of hope damaged souls no longer need

wheelchairs to get around in;

original sin that cursed mankind can will no longer exist.

This is for the teachers & preachers that try to make sense of this.

May the lord continue to let me live to the point

as my guide to end negativity  bliss

bring joy to the world with prose that deserves a "10"

whether this piece is performed in a slam competition or church congregation!!

In the name of the father, son and the holy spirit, AMEN!!

-Honest Abe